Where do I start a list of what I'm thankful for?

On this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for many things.  But, where does that list start?  Should I be thankful for my parents who conceived me?  Or, perhaps the thanks go to their parents for having them?  Of course, the same dilemma applies to my wife with whom my life today would not be the same?

And, how about being thankful for our two wonderful children?  Well, we did conceive, nurture and teach them so perhaps we should be thankful to each other for what they are today.

I'm thankful to have the opportunity to fulfill my passion of being a stay at home dad and pursue another of being an elementary school teacher.  But, I did work long and hard to get to this point.  And, I guess I should be thankful that my wife chose a profession where we could afford our decision to switch careers.  Oh, and how about being smart enough to buy a house in a lovely neighborhood that we can afford on one income...  and, lucky to have done so before last decade's housing boom?

Considering the damage so many suffered during last month's storm, we are thankful that we didn't even lose power.  Who knew that living two blocks from a substation has certain advantages?  We are indeed thankful we were able to provide family and friends warm meals, hot showers and a place for fun conversation.

So, while I can amusingly draw a fuzzy line on the list of things we are thankful for, I am appreciative of what we have.  Beyond the material things, I am most thankful for the experiences of being a dad, husband, brother, uncle, son-in-law, friend, neighbor, and teacher the most.  To me, the value of one's life is measured by those experiences and not by possessions or wealth.  

To my family and friends, you enrich my life and for that, I am thankful for you.

Life as a student - so far.

I finally decided to do some time management. After plotting my remaining class assignments on a calendar, I ended up with a really packed schedule.  Essays, research papers, keystone assignments and tests will certainly keep me busy for the next seven weeks.  So far, I'm happy with my work and test scores but I have to get more efficient.  I didn't expect the transition to being a student again was going to be a breeze but I want to be able to get things done faster.  After all, I plan to add a fourth course next semester and will take on more household duties at the same time.

I've been enjoying much of my education coursework.  I'm learning a lot that will help me be a good teacher.  I could care less about my undergraduate Math course however since I just need to pass it to fulfill state requirements for liberal arts credits.  Despite that, I studied hard for my first two tests and aced them. I can't help myself!

Over the next few weeks, I need to do thirty hours of classroom observation resulting in ten pages of my best prose.  I started yesterday with three hours in a fourth grade classroom and you shouldn't be surprised that I loved it.  I made new connections, learned from an experienced teacher, met new students, observed morning routines, graded tests and picked up some nifty tips.  I thoroughly enjoyed my time and look forward to next week when I return for more, start observations in a kindergarten class and teach a Junior Achievement lesson to my son's third grade class.

As I speak to teachers, I learn more and more about the challenges they face today with the increased testing requirements and new curriculum standards.  Yes, most teachers get a nice summer break, but their workdays extend way beyond 9am to 3pm, five days a week.  Well, at least for those who care about being an effective teacher.  If I wasn't so passionate about making a positive impact to my future young students, I would reconsider my career choice.

So, my eye is on the prize and I can't wait to get there.  In the meantime, I will relearn how to be a good student, gain experience and learn, learn and learn some more.  Oh, and spend time in classrooms!

A letter to my daughter

When my daughter was seven and a half years old, she did one thing that drives me nuts.  She ate her dinner very slowly - again.  It doesn't happen very often but when it does, I'm not happy she is taking more time to complete a meal than she needs.  I even remember incidents of slow eating when she was just a toddler.  Thankfully, she has a better appreciation for time now that she is four years older.

But, that December evening in 2008, she couldn't find her blanket before she went to bed.  She knew I was upset with her slow dinner and to make a point, I did not offer much help in looking for her blanket. Instead, I reinforced taking responsibility for her things, especially those that mean the most to her.  She went to bed sad to be without her blankie - the one she slept with each night since she was a baby.

I love my daughter very much and natural feelings of guilt set in after she finally fell asleep. But, I also felt this was a valuable teaching moment about love.  So, I wrote her a letter.  We talked about it the next morning and she has kept this letter ever since.   Here's what I wrote:

From: Daddy

Dear Allison,
I love you very much.
You say that you love me.

I do a lot to show my love for you.
I order your favorite foods and drink at a restaurant.
I take time when I can to pick you up at the bus stop and carry your backpack.
I tuck you in at night.  I even sometimes give you a ride up the stairs.

I don't ask for much from you.
I sometimes ask you to clean up.
And, I ask you to eat fast.
If you eat fast, you will have more time to play, read, watch TV and enjoy family time.
You will also make me happy.

When you don't eat fast, you choose not to listen to me.
That makes me upset.
That makes me sad that you do not show me love.

I want to show you love.
You are my only daughter.
I have a lot more love to give you.

But, you have to show love.
You can't just say it.
You have to show it.
There are many ways to show love.

One thing you can do is to listen to me.
When I ask you to eat fast, do it.
When you can't eat fast, try to.

Show love, give love.
You will get love back.

A daddy's love is special.
I want to give you love.
You need to give me love, too.

I love you.
You are my "Sugar".
That's why I found your blankie and put him on your bed last night.

Love, Daddy

What was I thinking??

It's been a wonderful summer that started with my daughter's graduation from elementary school, our family vacation to Seattle and San Francisco, and my retirement from a long, fulfilling career.  We ended the summer with a lot of fun family time and ten days in Charlotte and Hilton Head.  While it's been a terrific few months, it's time to move ahead with my goal of being an elementary school teacher.  But, standing in the way are 74 credits of graduate and undergraduate coursework.

As I start this journey, I can't help but ask my myself, "What was I thinking??"

I never desired to leave my corporate career to be a student.  Rather, it was to be a stay at home dad and a teacher.  But, before I become the latter, I knew I had to be a student first.  I know I'm not the only adult to go back to school but for me, it's been over 20 years since I've been a graduate student so it's a daunting task in my mind.  Well, with two graduate classes starting this week, the reality is hitting me.  Syllabuses, weekly and keystone assignments, research papers - all are terms I haven't seen since Bush (the first one!) was President.

And, starting next month, I will manage the duties of managing the household.  I have actually been looking forward to these responsibilities for years.  But, the reality of that is hitting me, too.  My wife has done a terrific job as a stay at home mom for eleven years.  And, while I have my own approach, I'll have to keep juggling all the tasks that have been done before while being a student.

As I am just starting to transition to my new life, I know that the newness will wear off and I'll settle into a groove.  I just need to manage my time and be organized like I've never had to in my life before.  After all, I have a deep desire to fulfill the goals I've dreamed of for many years.  There is much work ahead indeed but I will do this!  

I can get used to this

What's not to like when you can spend so much time with your kids?  After a wonderful first two weeks of retirement, I am really settling into a life after a long career.  The week began with a really fun birthday party for our 8 year old at Long Island Sports Complex where I played Ga-ga for the first time (it's like dodgeball but rolling the ball to hit other players below the knee). The next day was my wife's birthday so we had dim sum with her mom and aunt before a late dinner at one of our favorites, The Cheesecake Factory. The rest of the week, we enjoyed the driving range, Chuck E Cheese, a visit to the bank to cash in our coin jar ($180 collected in four years!), shopping and eating at the humongous Palisades Center, miniature golf, Jones Beach with three neighbor families, Chinatown for our third dim sum lunch of the week and to feed my daughter's new hobby - collecting squishies, riding the subways (my son was thrilled to stand in the front car to watch the train navigate the tracks) and dancing in our living room until bedtime.

To capture all the fun we are having, we started writing notes of the things we enjoyed and placing them in a memory jar.  We'll read those notes at the end of the year to help us recall all these special moments.

A really special moment this week was reconnecting with my two favorite teachers whom I haven't seen in 30 years (we recently found each other on facebook.)  We all had a marvelous time catching up on old school days and our lives since 1982.  My wife and kids enjoyed meeting them at lunch and look forward to seeing them again soon.

It's been two weeks and I really don't miss the career I enjoyed.  I do miss the fun I had with my colleagues though and a random email from one of them sparked a chuckle.  This summer is winding down fast and we have more fun ahead including next week's trip to Charlotte and Hilton Head.  School starts just around the corner for three of us... sigh.  But, for now, I can get used to this leisure time with my family really easily.

Can all weeks be THIS fun?

It's been a great first week of retired life!  Besides enjoying the exciting Summer Olympics, we treated ourselves to our first iPad thanks to generous gifts from wonderful friends and colleagues, a new smartphone after stumbling upon a great deal, a juicer after being inspired by a thought provoking documentary and a balance beam to feed my daughter's love of gymnastics.  It's been a lot of fun waiting on a daily delivery from UPS or Fed Ex!

Our kids have known that we've been planning our family's first iPad purchase for months.  They understand the thought and patience we take in buying such a pricey item.  It's rewarding to see that our kids really don't ask for much no matter which classmate has what.  Our fingers are crossed that the foundation we have set will continue to shape them into responsible consumers as they get older.

Just hours before buying a basic phone, I reviewed a daily Screaming Penny email of online deals.  Coincidentally, Amazon had a great deal that day for a nice smartphone.  I purchased a much better device (giving the kids another platform to play online games) at a lower net price than what I was going to buy.  Unfortunately, I can't transfer my number because of my former employer's billing privacy issues.

Utilizing a free trial to Amazon Prime, I watched "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead", a film about the health benefits of a diet of fruit and vegetable juice.  I was inspired to give it a try.  Two days later, we made tasty concoctions with our new Hamilton Beach juicer.  I hope to supplement our diets with healthy juices particularly when I want a snack while doing my online studies.  Have you seen this documentary?  Do you juice?

After months of consideration, I ordered a balance beam for our daughter.  It was to our surprise and delight that it arrived less than 24 hours after placing the order.  We all love it!  Oh, and I also ordered a little laser light thing so we can dance to cool effects.  I hosted a playdate/dance party with neighbor friends while the moms went to dinner and the six kids had a blast.  Besides dancing, my kids and I swam and played ping pong as they continued to enjoy their summer.

Besides all the fun and games this week. I reorganized a closet, paid tuition for my upcoming graduate classes, applied to a local community college to complete required undergrad credits, serviced both cars, and laundered all my dress shirts to store for a few years.

This week will end with a baseball game at CitiField thanks to a thoughtful friend and a party with 18 kids celebrating our son's 8th birthday.  I know not all weeks will be this fun but I'm certainly glad my retired life is off to a great start.  I hope you're enjoying your summer!

Closing this chapter

Closing a long, memorable, fulfilling chapter of my life has not been easy mainly because I have really enjoyed my 19 year career.  I've had plentiful opportunities to learn, grow, contribute, lead and inspire.  But, it is the opportunities to work with many terrific people that I will remember and miss the most.  

The fun times I've had are countless.  I remember starting with 13 other trainees in a whirlwind tour of the company, making friends who became regular partners in traveling, tennis, rollerblading and dining, working in a once-in-a-lifetime team where we constantly shared laughter as we grew through life changes together, and leading energetic colleagues in annual dragonboat races.  I've had the fortune of meeting individuals who have provided thoughtful friendship, guidance, inspiration and support in my career.

The challenging times at work have proven to be the most memorable.  From long days and nights are results that I am most proud of.  These include starting a multicultural marketing campaign to growing an engaged employee resource group to leading the company's efforts in creating an inclusive culture to helping restore electric power after damaging storms.  

During my career, I've shared so many life changes with my colleagues. Together, we've been through marriages, births, tragedies, and crises.  And, it is through these times where I've been so glad to be part of this supportive community to share many wonderful joys, ease the occasional sorrow and work together to stand up to unexpected challenges.  

I am thankful for my experiences for they have provided me the opportunity, skills and confidence to pursue my passions.  So, as I walk away today, I look back with pride at all that I accomplished and the lives I've touched.  I will retain some great memories and lifelong friendships.  Leaving isn't easy but I know what I have to look forward to is worth it.

My daughter quoted me in a note she wrote the other day:  "Live live for your passions because you only live once."  I hope we each get the opportunity to do that.at.

My daughter graduates elementary school. So, why am I sad?

On the eve of the my daughter's elementary school graduation, I am reminded yet once again of how fast time goes.  Tomorrow's milestone marks the end of her six years in a familiar school setting where she has enjoyed and learned a great deal.  In just a few months, she'll begin three short years of middle school.  I wish there was something to make time slow down just a little bit so we can enjoy just a little while longer.

I remember sending her to kindergarten and marveling at how the teacher skillfully coordinated her students busy 4 hour routine. While her first grade teacher was a bit too passive, her second grade teacher was out of this world.  No doubt that she is Allison's favorite.  Third grade was fun and I started teaching Junior Achievement in her class.  She really blossomed in fourth and fifth grades and became a confident individual who is well liked and respected by her peers.  I was determined to be very involved in her last elementary school year and have been fortunate to have numerous opportunities as a class parent and Junior Achievement volunteer.  But, all good things come to an end whether we agree or not.

She has grown so much in her elementary school years and I am proud of all that she has accomplished and learned.  After being in the same school for the past three years, it will be a little strange to see my two children boarding different buses heading in different directions.

Tomorrow, she boards that elementary school bus just one more time.  I am sad that this milestone has come so quickly.  But, I'll be beaming at the same time as my daughter and her classmates celebrate the end of their elementary school career tomorrow.  Thank goodness my son will have three more years before he moves on.  At that time, I will be a mess.  Tomorrow is just practice.

Uh oh. Mother-in-law weighs in on our decision.

We have some family and friends who don't fully understand or support our career switch to make me the stay at home parent. Now, I know others' opinions are insignificant in our decision but my wife is taking a lot of heat from her mom. And, because my wife doesn't handle stress from her mom easily, it is driving her nuts. My wife describes recent years as the teenage rebellion from her controlling mom that she never had. While my wife would prefer remaining the stay at home parent to our 10 and 7 year old children, she understands my desire to be a stay at home dad. She agrees that life is too short and that we have just one chance to live it.

However, my wife's mother maintains the "mother stays home, father goes to earn money" philosophy. She questions why I would choose to leave the stability of a well-paying job. She's concerned of how others would react. She regrets gifting us money (done for tax purposes) and setting up trust funds for our children (her only grandchildren). She has even called me "lazy" for making this decision.

I never expected my mother-in-law to exuberantly support of our career switch. While she stayed at home to raise two daughters, her husband worked and saved for decades before succumbing to cancer. He never had a chance to enjoy retirement. She shared her regrets about staying at home and had wished for a different career path. My wife and I learned from their experience and considered it while making our decision. I don't want to stay at a job just to retire with a pension and some health benefits. Each of us should live their life for their passions. However, "pursuit of happiness" and "living life to its fullest" mantras seem to be lost on my wife's mom despite her own regrets.

I understand and appreciate the difficulties that generational differences can pose. Shaking up the traditional roles of father and mother unnerves my mom-in-law. And, quite frankly, I think a lot of that is her dread of answering questions from like-minded contemporaries like "why is your daughter working and your son-in-law at home with the kids??"

It's nice that she wants to ensure our financial ability to make this switch. However, her motivations go beyond that as she is particularly controlling about money. We shared that we performed a detailed financial analysis and that I would not even consider this if we had to change our current lifestyle. Thankfully, my wife can earn more than enough money to do so. But, her mom doesn't believe us. Instead, she thinks we will live off the money she has gifted us or will leave us when she passes. On the contrary, we have not touched a single dollar she has gifted us nor do we have plans to use any except for the funds she has put into trust for kids' college educations.

To top if off, she has called me "lazy" for leaving my cushy job. On the contrary, she should recall her own experience as stay-at-home parent and realize that I am leaving an office job for one with a lot more responsibility and accountability. I know you already know how much work it takes to maintain a household and raise children so I won't expand. And, next year I will pursue another passion of being an elementary school teacher. That will add hours of classwork and homework. "Lazy"? I don't think so.

Pursuing those passions!

Besides fulfilling a passion to be a stay at home dad, I am looking forward to pursuing another passion of being an elementary school teacher. In the next month or two, I will narrow my choices of graduate programs and begin the application process. In the meantime, I get some time in front of students by leading Junior Achievement programs in my children's second and fifth grade classes. I get so energized by teaching and inspiring the students. I prepare for the sessions diligently and return from those lessons so jazzed. And, getting positive feedback from teachers, student teachers and parents really ices the cake!

Last week, I presented lessons on Chinese New Year to the two classes. The following day, the mother of one of the students shared how her daughter really enjoyed the lesson, understood the concepts and recalled some of the information. (The little Irish girl wants to be Chinese now to take part in the holiday's celebrations!) And, just last night, I met the mother of one of the fifth grade students who told me how much her son has really enjoyed the lessons I've led and that I've made a highly positive impression on him. I know being a teacher entails quite a lot more responsibility than I've experienced, but such feedback really reinforces my desire to pursue my passions.

And, pursuing passions is what this whole career switch is all about. And, my wife knows that if she had passions of her own, I would support her pursuit of those. I am thankful to have a wonderful life partner who understands that life is short and we only get to live it once.

I've been inspired again to blog after watching "Julie & Julia" where Amy Adams's character maintained a blog of cooking her way through Julia Child's famous cookbook. Great movie about two people discovering their passions and working relentlessly towards specific goals.

Since my wife and I made the decision six months ago to switch roles to make me the stay at home parent, I have been "sunsetting" my 18 year corporate marketing career. While my work ethic prevents me from being lazy, unethical or irresponsible, I have been able to enjoy my job more than usual. For example, I wasn't too concerned about last summer's reorganization and I'm not worrying about the next one that will take place in 2013. I've timed my exit until after I receive my annual bonus at the end of June. Until then, I continue to strive towards a good performance appraisal since my bonus amount is determined by that.

So, I have about 100 work days left, net of planned time off for vacation days. While I certainly don't wish time to move too fast because I value it so much, I'm eager to be what I've longed for so long. Through this blog, I'll write about how I'm spending my last work days. This will help me appreciate the remaining time I have left in a career that I've enjoyed and that I've been proud of.