A letter to my daughter

When my daughter was seven and a half years old, she did one thing that drives me nuts.  She ate her dinner very slowly - again.  It doesn't happen very often but when it does, I'm not happy she is taking more time to complete a meal than she needs.  I even remember incidents of slow eating when she was just a toddler.  Thankfully, she has a better appreciation for time now that she is four years older.

But, that December evening in 2008, she couldn't find her blanket before she went to bed.  She knew I was upset with her slow dinner and to make a point, I did not offer much help in looking for her blanket. Instead, I reinforced taking responsibility for her things, especially those that mean the most to her.  She went to bed sad to be without her blankie - the one she slept with each night since she was a baby.

I love my daughter very much and natural feelings of guilt set in after she finally fell asleep. But, I also felt this was a valuable teaching moment about love.  So, I wrote her a letter.  We talked about it the next morning and she has kept this letter ever since.   Here's what I wrote:

From: Daddy

Dear Allison,
I love you very much.
You say that you love me.

I do a lot to show my love for you.
I order your favorite foods and drink at a restaurant.
I take time when I can to pick you up at the bus stop and carry your backpack.
I tuck you in at night.  I even sometimes give you a ride up the stairs.

I don't ask for much from you.
I sometimes ask you to clean up.
And, I ask you to eat fast.
If you eat fast, you will have more time to play, read, watch TV and enjoy family time.
You will also make me happy.

When you don't eat fast, you choose not to listen to me.
That makes me upset.
That makes me sad that you do not show me love.

I want to show you love.
You are my only daughter.
I have a lot more love to give you.

But, you have to show love.
You can't just say it.
You have to show it.
There are many ways to show love.

One thing you can do is to listen to me.
When I ask you to eat fast, do it.
When you can't eat fast, try to.

Show love, give love.
You will get love back.

A daddy's love is special.
I want to give you love.
You need to give me love, too.

I love you.
You are my "Sugar".
That's why I found your blankie and put him on your bed last night.

Love, Daddy

What was I thinking??

It's been a wonderful summer that started with my daughter's graduation from elementary school, our family vacation to Seattle and San Francisco, and my retirement from a long, fulfilling career.  We ended the summer with a lot of fun family time and ten days in Charlotte and Hilton Head.  While it's been a terrific few months, it's time to move ahead with my goal of being an elementary school teacher.  But, standing in the way are 74 credits of graduate and undergraduate coursework.

As I start this journey, I can't help but ask my myself, "What was I thinking??"

I never desired to leave my corporate career to be a student.  Rather, it was to be a stay at home dad and a teacher.  But, before I become the latter, I knew I had to be a student first.  I know I'm not the only adult to go back to school but for me, it's been over 20 years since I've been a graduate student so it's a daunting task in my mind.  Well, with two graduate classes starting this week, the reality is hitting me.  Syllabuses, weekly and keystone assignments, research papers - all are terms I haven't seen since Bush (the first one!) was President.

And, starting next month, I will manage the duties of managing the household.  I have actually been looking forward to these responsibilities for years.  But, the reality of that is hitting me, too.  My wife has done a terrific job as a stay at home mom for eleven years.  And, while I have my own approach, I'll have to keep juggling all the tasks that have been done before while being a student.

As I am just starting to transition to my new life, I know that the newness will wear off and I'll settle into a groove.  I just need to manage my time and be organized like I've never had to in my life before.  After all, I have a deep desire to fulfill the goals I've dreamed of for many years.  There is much work ahead indeed but I will do this!