Henry and his adorable children: 'I'm better organised'
It is no secret that I am a housedad of the reluctant persuasion – forced into my situation because of redundancy, resulting in my wife and I swapping roles at the beginning of the year.
I would – even now, despite all the joys and rewards of forging closer bonds with my three kids – swap back if I was offered a job that could justify my wife giving up hers. The reality is, that isn’t going to happen. My Successful Other Half is now thriving in her new-found career. Her transition from Stay-At-Home-Mum is pretty much complete, whereas I’m still on the journey towards converting reluctance into Happy-As-Larryness on the housedadding front.
But is he organised enough to do this day-in, day-out?
But now I learn that Men Want To Be Me. Men Want What I Have. Men Want A Slice Of The Housedadding Action.
For some, I imagine they think sitting around all day moaning and ironing and listening to the radio is a cushy number. And, in truth, that part of it is. Boring as hell, but cushy nonetheless. But then it’s hometime, and all hell is let loose in a flurry of homework, reading, teatime, bathtime, bickering time, ‘when’s Mum coming home?’ time. All Stay-At-Home-Parents know this, though most SAHPs wouldn’t swap it for the world. And it is this latter fact that makes some Working Dads want to be Stay-At-Home-Dads.
Henry C is one such father. After 18 years at the corporate coalface, he wants to swap roles with his Stay-At-Home-Wife and take over the parenting of their nine-year-old daughter and six-year-old son.
Why? Don’t ask me, ask Henry. Though based in the States, the issues are the same as over here. Henry Tweets as @wannabeSAHDad and writes about the issue on his blog http://wannabestayathomedad.blogspot.com/.
Unfortunately, he hasn’t discussed his plans with his wife yet, but she’ll find out soon enough, the moment she reads this blog post (hide the crockery, Henry – there could be some collateral damage!)
Below, he describes his feelings, motivation and ambition in his own words. Over to you, Henry…
‘When did you realise how fast your children are growing up? For me, it was the night before my daughter turned 9. She was just a year away from age 10 which just seems to be a psychological dividing line between a young child and one who is fast approaching teen years. That night, with my wife’s support, I made an unconventional decision to leave my plum corporate position to a role that would allow me more time at home. And, I was fortunate enough to have landed such a role. While I do not miss the perks that came with my former title, I do thoroughly enjoy a dramatically shorter commute and almost no overnight travels. I am now able to see my daughter in her gymnastics class, participate in my 6 year old son’s baseball activities and enjoy dinner with family each evening.
In the year that has passed, I have realized that I truly love being an active father to my young children. And, that I really, really want to be the stay at home parent.
My wife and I are fortunate to be able to maintain a single income household. And, since our daughter was born, my wife has been a full time parent. She enjoys the role and our two babies have grown to be intelligent, respectful and wonderful children. Countless times in the past, I casually suggested that we switch roles and, despite being able to swing it financially, my wife has denied my requests. But, I feel time is running out on my children’s youth and I need to make a strong case now. So, here’s why I want to be a stay-at-home-dad.
Teach: I love to teach and I’ve been told I have natural teaching abilities. In fact, I want to be an elementary (primary) school teacher in a future career. Besides reinforcing concepts through homework help, I’ll have more opportunity to teach my children other life lessons like aspects of our culture including some Chinese language. My wife and I agree that it’s important for our kids to know more about our culture and language.
Learn: While our children are in school during the day, I can join them! Well, at a different school, that is, to pursue a graduate teaching degree. Perhaps, when the local economy improves in a few years, I could be teaching and staying on similar daily and holiday schedules as our children. Even more rewarding, I will learn from and about my children in ways that I would not otherwise.
Sharing: My wife has been able to enjoy the role of stay at home parent, why can’t I? In the true spirit of sharing, I believe it’s my turn. If we transition a year from now, our children will be 11 and almost 8. That’s about halfway in their childhoods so the timeframe seems fair.
Less Stress: My wife agrees that I handle stress very well. Applying project and time management skills I’ve utilized in my corporate career, I will create a less stressful home environment. Better organization, preparation and communication would help minimize stress in an increasingly busy household. A recent study confirms what we know – that kids are tuning into parents’ stress with negative feelings of their own.
More Intimacy: With less stress all around, yes, I am hoping it will translate to be more energy and time for this. Who couldn’t use more of this??
Vacuuming: Believe it or not, I have loved vacuuming since I was 9. And, yes, I truly enjoy doing housework and keeping a neat, organized and clean home. I already have a schedule in mind that will keep me on top of all that a full time parent needs to do around the house. I know it’s a lot but I look forward to the challenge and results.
More family time: I believe with better organization and less stress, the necessary things (housework, homework, etc.) will get done more efficiently and we can actually have more family time. Perhaps, it’s just several minutes a day or a few hours in a week, but any more time to enjoy each other would be great.
Social: My wife and I are have vastly different viewpoints on play dates. I strongly encourage them for our children’s’ social development and enjoyment and would not mind organizing play dates. Our kids ask for more but it’s not in their mom’s comfort zone to arrange for more frequent play dates. I think it’s important to know the friends of our children especially as they grow towards the challenging teen years.
Me: I would be lying if there wasn’t anything for me in being a stay at home dad. While I have enjoyed my corporate career (18 years in the same organization!), I would give it up in a heartbeat to serve the more fulfilling role of full time parent. I will apply the organizational, communication and goal setting skills I’ve learned to more effectively and efficiently manage our home and family. I’ll have the chance to prove to myself that I can be a successful stay at home dad. Lastly, in the months before I leave my job, I would enjoy my soon-to-retire status at work immensely!
Our children: The ultimate reason for my desire to be stay at home dad is our children. We have built a solid foundation for each of their lives and my desire is to enrich, strengthen and grow that foundation for their futures. While I am already an active parent, I feel this is the ideal decision at this time for all of us. While we have very similar values, I strongly believe my skills and approaches would be benefit each of us, particularly the children. The greatest gifts we can give to our children is to share our wisdom and guidance in a loving, supportive home environment. I am absolutely committed to doing just that as a stay at home dad.
So, as best as I can write it, these are my reasons to be the full time parent in our home. I would love to hear your thoughts based on your experiences and perhaps your own desires.
