Who Gets to Decide Which is the Stay at Home Parent?

Is it biology that determines who gets to be the stay at home parent if a couple has a choice to do so? Of course, it is the mother who carried the children for 9 months each in her belly.

Is it society that determines? Stay at home parents have long been a mother's role.

Is it financial means that determine? Traditionally, it was a man's job to provide.

But, come on, it's the 21st century! And, while I cannot argue the biological aspect of carrying children in utero, society has changed and women can earn or outearn men. So, isn't a better determination the parent who is most qualified to succeed in the role of stay at home parent?

I've been desiring the role of stay at home dad for years. But, early on, it was assumed that my wife would take that role. We are thankful to have that option by having made sound financial choices very early in our relationship. It also helped that we didn't marry until past the age of 30. So, since our first child was born ten years ago, my wife has left full time professional role behind to stay at home. She is a wonderful person, wife and mother and loves our two children very much. But, that doesn't diminish my desire to be home. I've told her so many times for years but she has refused to even consider.

I've made it clear that I desire be a stay at home dad while our daughter and son are young. Well, my opportunity to do so is dissolving fast. But, I have not given up hope. I think I have a reasonable case. And, I sure would love to hear your thoughts as I continue to share mine on ths subject.

Financially, we would do fine if I left my corporate job and she takes the available opportunity to resume her professional career. True, we would lose a few benefits like some of my flexibility and increased vacation time, but that can be negotiated to make those differences negligible.

I believe the big difference lies in our different abilities to succeed in the very busy role of stay at home parent. We all bring a different skill set to life and I believe mine is better suited than that of my wife. For starters, we both agree that I am more efficient and organized; that I handle stress better; and that I communicate and teach the kids more effectively. In the times when I do play stay at home dad for a day or two, I've proven that I accomplish more in a day than she can. That includes housework, homework, playtime and the like. And, with the challenging teen years ahead of us, I believe the skills I bring will be necessary to manage an increasingly busy household. So, I'm frustrated that we won't make the switch in roles to benefit us all?

Therein lies my frustration. My wife is not willing. And, I'm at a loss on how else I can approach this. I really believe that our whole family unit will benefit if I were stay at home dad. My kids would love it and I think they would not miss a beat and perhaps even thrive.

So, what should go into the decision on who gets to be the stay at home parent?
Anyone else in a similar situation? Any advice to share? Am I way off base here?