We have some family and friends who don't fully understand or support our career switch to make me the stay at home parent. Now, I know others' opinions are insignificant in our decision but my wife is taking a lot of heat from her mom. And, because my wife doesn't handle stress from her mom easily, it is driving her nuts. My wife describes recent years as the teenage rebellion from her controlling mom that she never had. While my wife would prefer remaining the stay at home parent to our 10 and 7 year old children, she understands my desire to be a stay at home dad. She agrees that life is too short and that we have just one chance to live it.
However, my wife's mother maintains the "mother stays home, father goes to earn money" philosophy. She questions why I would choose to leave the stability of a well-paying job. She's concerned of how others would react. She regrets gifting us money (done for tax purposes) and setting up trust funds for our children (her only grandchildren). She has even called me "lazy" for making this decision.
I never expected my mother-in-law to exuberantly support of our career switch. While she stayed at home to raise two daughters, her husband worked and saved for decades before succumbing to cancer. He never had a chance to enjoy retirement. She shared her regrets about staying at home and had wished for a different career path. My wife and I learned from their experience and considered it while making our decision. I don't want to stay at a job just to retire with a pension and some health benefits. Each of us should live their life for their passions. However, "pursuit of happiness" and "living life to its fullest" mantras seem to be lost on my wife's mom despite her own regrets.
I understand and appreciate the difficulties that generational differences can pose. Shaking up the traditional roles of father and mother unnerves my mom-in-law. And, quite frankly, I think a lot of that is her dread of answering questions from like-minded contemporaries like "why is your daughter working and your son-in-law at home with the kids??"
It's nice that she wants to ensure our financial ability to make this switch. However, her motivations go beyond that as she is particularly controlling about money. We shared that we performed a detailed financial analysis and that I would not even consider this if we had to change our current lifestyle. Thankfully, my wife can earn more than enough money to do so. But, her mom doesn't believe us. Instead, she thinks we will live off the money she has gifted us or will leave us when she passes. On the contrary, we have not touched a single dollar she has gifted us nor do we have plans to use any except for the funds she has put into trust for kids' college educations.
To top if off, she has called me "lazy" for leaving my cushy job. On the contrary, she should recall her own experience as stay-at-home parent and realize that I am leaving an office job for one with a lot more responsibility and accountability. I know you already know how much work it takes to maintain a household and raise children so I won't expand. And, next year I will pursue another passion of being an elementary school teacher. That will add hours of classwork and homework. "Lazy"? I don't think so.
