Nine already?!?

Nine.   My son just turned nine.  Wow… and yikes!  I shudder with sadness at thoughts of how much he will continue to grow and change.  I don’t dread the future because of the different challenges it will present.  I dread it because that will mean my son will no longer be the sweet young boy he is today.  While he is just one year from having two digits for his age, Matthew still has much of the innocence that only a young child can have.  Oh, but for how much longer will I enjoy that?

Matthew reminds me so much of myself when I was his age.  He is kindhearted, gentle, polite, agreeable, analytical, imaginative, and never suffers from boredom.  Matthew has a positive and pragmatic outlook on life and the future. He loves being at home with his family but always has a fun time with his friends.  He enjoys school and academic challenges and while not naturally gifted in any particular sport, he is willing to work to improve for his own personal achievement.  My siblings even confirm that my son and I share many similar physical characteristics and personality traits at his age.

We do have different experiences however.   I didn't have the affectionate relationship with my dad as Matthew has with me.  I never snuggled with my dad nor did I learn to play any sports from him except if you consider reading the horse racing pages of the newspaper a sport.  I didn't get long winded life lessons nor zany attempts at humor that Matthew is subjected to.  My dad was a very reserved and stern man.  While I can’t turn back the hands of time, I know I can maximize the chance I have now.  The days of Matthew’s childhood are going fast and I am determined to enjoy as much of them as I can.

Happy birthday to the most wonderful son this Daddy could ever ask for.

?

The stress over assessments... sigh.

"Filling in the bubbles" testing is not new.  We completed such tests when we were in elementary school and they have been administered to students before and after us.  However, this year's state assessments in public schools to 1.3 million of third to eighth grade students in New York State, including over 200,000 on Long Island are causing more stress than usual for two reasons.  The tests are based on new standards and, for the first time, students' scores will affect individual teacher's performance reviews.  It's a perfect storm to cause concern for districts, administration and teachers who are all worried about how the assessment results will reflect on them. It's absolutely understandable especially considering how maligned the education profession has been by the public in recent years.  Educators walk on eggshells these days and that's a shame for many who are hardworking and dedicated to their profession.

Unfortunately, young students can be caught up in the stress.  But, that shouldn't be the case.  Parents need to remain calm and assure their children that this is just another assessment like they took a year ago and like the ones we took when we were in school.  Parents could share that their children are among many, many students taking the assessments.  If they have been near the top of their class throughout this school year, their assessment results will reflect that.  If they have struggled, the assessment results may get them the additional help they need next school year.  Most of all, parents should not add to the stress their children may be getting from principals, teachers, other parents and other students.  It's just another round of tests that will further validate what parents probably already know about their child's academic proficiency.

The bigger philosophical issues are whether the curriculum should be so rigorous and the assessments be such high stakes.  Well, Americans haven't been happy with how their students compare to others around the world.  So, we have a tougher curriculum meant to standardize widely varying state standards and increase the rigor of K-12 education so that we can feel better about how we compare.  And, the public seems to want teachers to be held accountable for their students' results.  So, we are now linking those results to teacher evaluations.  This is quite a simplification of the larger issues, but it just seems the public got what it asked for.     

As a future educator, it pains me to see how teachers are vilified by some as if they are enemies to parents.  It's a sad part of our culture.  It hasn't deterred me from pursuing my dreams of teaching though.  I've got over two years before I step into the changing profession (hopefully) and I'm sure even more changes will take place by then.  Coming from a corporate career where change and reorganization was constant from the my first year to my last, I hope I can fit right in!

Lessons from tragedy

Life constantly presents learning opportunities especially if you are a parent to young children.  My out-of-the-box decision to leave a fulfilling career to pursue my passions has been an enriching life lesson to my kids.  My wife and I have connected how the life choices we made since college allowed me to do this. 

Not everything in life is as inspiring as going after your dreams but much can present opportunities to learn.  Death of a loved one causes great sadness but the challenge is how to overcome that and move on with life while cherishing wonderful memories.  It's a harsh lesson for children whose heads are full of dreams and possibilities for their own lives.  But, it can be an enriching experience as well. 

Our children recently lost their last grandparent.  Since then, we have had the opportunity to share our feelings, answer questions, reflect on warm memories, learn more about family history, instill culture, and discuss our beliefs and those of others on what happens after a person passes.  Through open and thoughtful conversation, our children can better understand how to cope with their emotions and what the loss means to each of us.  A sad event like this can help children better appreciate the lives they have.  It's a valuable life lesson they will never forget.

So, look for opportunities in your own lives to learn and teach.  They exist.  We just have to make the most of them. 

Where do I start a list of what I'm thankful for?

On this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for many things.  But, where does that list start?  Should I be thankful for my parents who conceived me?  Or, perhaps the thanks go to their parents for having them?  Of course, the same dilemma applies to my wife with whom my life today would not be the same?

And, how about being thankful for our two wonderful children?  Well, we did conceive, nurture and teach them so perhaps we should be thankful to each other for what they are today.

I'm thankful to have the opportunity to fulfill my passion of being a stay at home dad and pursue another of being an elementary school teacher.  But, I did work long and hard to get to this point.  And, I guess I should be thankful that my wife chose a profession where we could afford our decision to switch careers.  Oh, and how about being smart enough to buy a house in a lovely neighborhood that we can afford on one income...  and, lucky to have done so before last decade's housing boom?

Considering the damage so many suffered during last month's storm, we are thankful that we didn't even lose power.  Who knew that living two blocks from a substation has certain advantages?  We are indeed thankful we were able to provide family and friends warm meals, hot showers and a place for fun conversation.

So, while I can amusingly draw a fuzzy line on the list of things we are thankful for, I am appreciative of what we have.  Beyond the material things, I am most thankful for the experiences of being a dad, husband, brother, uncle, son-in-law, friend, neighbor, and teacher the most.  To me, the value of one's life is measured by those experiences and not by possessions or wealth.  

To my family and friends, you enrich my life and for that, I am thankful for you.

Life as a student - so far.

I finally decided to do some time management. After plotting my remaining class assignments on a calendar, I ended up with a really packed schedule.  Essays, research papers, keystone assignments and tests will certainly keep me busy for the next seven weeks.  So far, I'm happy with my work and test scores but I have to get more efficient.  I didn't expect the transition to being a student again was going to be a breeze but I want to be able to get things done faster.  After all, I plan to add a fourth course next semester and will take on more household duties at the same time.

I've been enjoying much of my education coursework.  I'm learning a lot that will help me be a good teacher.  I could care less about my undergraduate Math course however since I just need to pass it to fulfill state requirements for liberal arts credits.  Despite that, I studied hard for my first two tests and aced them. I can't help myself!

Over the next few weeks, I need to do thirty hours of classroom observation resulting in ten pages of my best prose.  I started yesterday with three hours in a fourth grade classroom and you shouldn't be surprised that I loved it.  I made new connections, learned from an experienced teacher, met new students, observed morning routines, graded tests and picked up some nifty tips.  I thoroughly enjoyed my time and look forward to next week when I return for more, start observations in a kindergarten class and teach a Junior Achievement lesson to my son's third grade class.

As I speak to teachers, I learn more and more about the challenges they face today with the increased testing requirements and new curriculum standards.  Yes, most teachers get a nice summer break, but their workdays extend way beyond 9am to 3pm, five days a week.  Well, at least for those who care about being an effective teacher.  If I wasn't so passionate about making a positive impact to my future young students, I would reconsider my career choice.

So, my eye is on the prize and I can't wait to get there.  In the meantime, I will relearn how to be a good student, gain experience and learn, learn and learn some more.  Oh, and spend time in classrooms!

A letter to my daughter

When my daughter was seven and a half years old, she did one thing that drives me nuts.  She ate her dinner very slowly - again.  It doesn't happen very often but when it does, I'm not happy she is taking more time to complete a meal than she needs.  I even remember incidents of slow eating when she was just a toddler.  Thankfully, she has a better appreciation for time now that she is four years older.

But, that December evening in 2008, she couldn't find her blanket before she went to bed.  She knew I was upset with her slow dinner and to make a point, I did not offer much help in looking for her blanket. Instead, I reinforced taking responsibility for her things, especially those that mean the most to her.  She went to bed sad to be without her blankie - the one she slept with each night since she was a baby.

I love my daughter very much and natural feelings of guilt set in after she finally fell asleep. But, I also felt this was a valuable teaching moment about love.  So, I wrote her a letter.  We talked about it the next morning and she has kept this letter ever since.   Here's what I wrote:

From: Daddy

Dear Allison,
I love you very much.
You say that you love me.

I do a lot to show my love for you.
I order your favorite foods and drink at a restaurant.
I take time when I can to pick you up at the bus stop and carry your backpack.
I tuck you in at night.  I even sometimes give you a ride up the stairs.

I don't ask for much from you.
I sometimes ask you to clean up.
And, I ask you to eat fast.
If you eat fast, you will have more time to play, read, watch TV and enjoy family time.
You will also make me happy.

When you don't eat fast, you choose not to listen to me.
That makes me upset.
That makes me sad that you do not show me love.

I want to show you love.
You are my only daughter.
I have a lot more love to give you.

But, you have to show love.
You can't just say it.
You have to show it.
There are many ways to show love.

One thing you can do is to listen to me.
When I ask you to eat fast, do it.
When you can't eat fast, try to.

Show love, give love.
You will get love back.

A daddy's love is special.
I want to give you love.
You need to give me love, too.

I love you.
You are my "Sugar".
That's why I found your blankie and put him on your bed last night.

Love, Daddy

What was I thinking??

It's been a wonderful summer that started with my daughter's graduation from elementary school, our family vacation to Seattle and San Francisco, and my retirement from a long, fulfilling career.  We ended the summer with a lot of fun family time and ten days in Charlotte and Hilton Head.  While it's been a terrific few months, it's time to move ahead with my goal of being an elementary school teacher.  But, standing in the way are 74 credits of graduate and undergraduate coursework.

As I start this journey, I can't help but ask my myself, "What was I thinking??"

I never desired to leave my corporate career to be a student.  Rather, it was to be a stay at home dad and a teacher.  But, before I become the latter, I knew I had to be a student first.  I know I'm not the only adult to go back to school but for me, it's been over 20 years since I've been a graduate student so it's a daunting task in my mind.  Well, with two graduate classes starting this week, the reality is hitting me.  Syllabuses, weekly and keystone assignments, research papers - all are terms I haven't seen since Bush (the first one!) was President.

And, starting next month, I will manage the duties of managing the household.  I have actually been looking forward to these responsibilities for years.  But, the reality of that is hitting me, too.  My wife has done a terrific job as a stay at home mom for eleven years.  And, while I have my own approach, I'll have to keep juggling all the tasks that have been done before while being a student.

As I am just starting to transition to my new life, I know that the newness will wear off and I'll settle into a groove.  I just need to manage my time and be organized like I've never had to in my life before.  After all, I have a deep desire to fulfill the goals I've dreamed of for many years.  There is much work ahead indeed but I will do this!